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Oops

Formal Apology to My Violin

I am writing to say I am sorry.

I should not have stashed you in the trunk of my Jetta when I went to classes.

I should have stopped at home, which I technically, in a loose, cardinal-direction sense, passed on my way to NJIT, and stashed you in our warm, climate-controlled apartment.

Or, I should have left you in the safe, albeit slightly colder, confines of my lover’s home, where you would not have shivered to yourself in shrunken woe in the metal cage of my car.

All I have to convince you into proper tuning and back into your dark, smooth, mellow wood voice is a tilt of my head, the scrutiny of my ear, and the slight scrape of my finger callouses.

I will cradle you in my hands, and pamper your strings and pegs with the warmth from my palms.

Feel my apology--and look, I wipe you down and rosin you so lovingly!

Come back and sing with me, Best Beloved.

Yours sincerely,

Diana
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Phoenix

There was a time I'd cherish a crush
in quiet solitude, cradling and kindling it,
warming my hands over the smoulder of it,
locked away in the ribcage of my chest...

But, as time inevitably passed,
and the blows of broken hearts
and loves slipping away into my past,
then that cage blossomed cracks and fissures and I
dismantled it
and stored the pieces in a box with old photos and sadness.

Now, I fling myself over the edge,
chasing the heat and light and the sparkle in your eye, and
all our pieces catch oxygen and light,
and,
flying high,
I burn.
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Crawling

Hypnotized by her malice,
the sweet seduction of an imminent train wreck
outlined in hard black eyeliner,
the shape of a dark pink lipstick pout.

The sharp crack of her tongue,
like a whip delivering sting
along the spine of my ego.

Skin quaking and trembling,

I grovel with soothing words,
affirming my servitude,
mired in my need,
I crawl,
desirous of acknowledgement.

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A few things

Haven't posted in ages, but I guess I need to right now, and the sites I'm more connected on don't seem appropriate.

1)  Everyone starting their responses to "the tragedy" with "as a parent" or "as a grandparent" piss me off.  You don't have to have popped babies out of your vagina or raised children to care about the lives of children and families.  As a human being, this makes me sad.

2)  It is not shocking or unexpected.  I'm 24 years old, and my adult memory has several "unthinkable" mass shootings in it.  Doesn't yours? 

3)  Yes, it IS appropriate to talk about gun laws and the mental health system after this kind of event, in the same way it's appropriate to talk about Japan after Pearl Harbor. 

4)  I hate how my first reaction to this kind of news "a man walks into an elementary school and shoots 20 children dead" is to think, "why?"  Because that implies there's some reason, some kind of reasoning, that would make it make sense.  And there's not.  Ever. 

5)  I'd really like to cry about this, but the only person I want to/am able to cry on I won't see until Christmas day, at the rate we're going with making plans around my work and his social life. 

So, alcohol. 

:(
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I fixed it.

So I've been taking these two classes--introduction to mathematical thinking (which I've since dropped) and introduction to logic, and both have been making a big deal (justifiably) about precision in language.  So far this has caused me to awkwardly rewrite a comment on a status on facebook because I couldn't stand to leave it ambiguous, and compelled me to pull out my pen while reading the American Prospect and correct a sentence in the article "Obama and the Art of Not Getting Credit" (a good article, incidentally).

In the latter, the sentence was:  "But then there's Barack Obama, who as president has succeeded in avoiding credit for things he has accomplished and taking the blame for things his predecessor did."

I'm pretty sure what was meant was--Barack Obama has successfully avoided credit for what he has done and has also succeeded at taking the blame for things his predecessor did.

But it can also be read as--Barack Obama has successfully avoided credit for what he has done and has succeeded in avoiding taking the blame for things his predecessor did (reread the sentence).

And it would all be fixed by the addition of the word "in" before "taking".  The sentence, with no ambiguity now:  "But then there's Barack Obama, who as president has succeeded in avoiding credit for things he has accomplished and in taking the blame for things his predecessor did."

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    amused amused
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Random

It is so good to see my couple of best friends here in the Fort and see how happy and successful and passionate about life and all it has to offer.  I am so happy that they are happy--it's such a good feeling all around.  Also, I'm so proud of them =)

That was old.  Moving roward...

I got some new, weird orchids that I probably won't be able to keep alive for even a year, but I'm still super-excited about.  Ten of them--we'll see how many of them I can baby through into flowering, which could be up to 5 years from now. 
They're my self-bribe to not quit my job, which currently sucks, but which I'm pretty sure I'll love once I've been there long enough. 

I bought GKE tickets.  I'm really excited about it.

We hunted spiranthes tuberosis today and we were very successful.  Once in a while I accidentally say spiranthes tuberculosis, and the look on Mike's face when I misspeak is pretty hilarious.  We found it mostly in pairs or more (relatively rarely as a single plant), in areas drier than I was expecting.  They were smaller plants with smaller flowers than spiranthes lacera, and the flowers were all white, instead of having the green lip lacera has. 

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As always, Mike will have much better pictures here.

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    energetic energetic